Data-Driven Daoist

Chapter 34: Janitor

“I have to shovel poop?” Yu Han asked. He had to sit down. They had aired the room for a few hours, and the disgusting smell was completely gone.

Before entering the hut again, Yu Han had given the doorsill a few kicks and ended up hurting his legs. It was a door meant for skinny people.

“Silly man,” Huang Niuniu had giggled. She had pulled Yu Han back by the collar and ladled some water from the pitcher near the door, then splashed it on the doorstep. Then she got down and prayed. “We have to thank the Land Gods for protecting our homes from evil ghosts and demons.”

Afterwards, they entered the hut. Yu Han had to squeeze through the front door while cursing to its grandmother. After he entered, he took in the interior details.

There was a mud brazier near the window. Some firewood was stacked against the wall, with ashes gathered on the brazier pan. Maybe for cooking? A set of metal pots and pans hung from nails on the wall. On a raised, earthen counter-like structure, there were a few plates, cups, bowls, and chopsticks laid about.

They were sitting on the bed now. Normally, being with a pretty girl on the bed would give rise to all kinds of imaginations. But when she said he had to be a janitor, what excitement was there left to talk about?

“A Night Soil Collector doesn’t only shovel poop.” Huang Niuniu put a hand on her chin. “They deposit it to the proper place to compost. The Sect’s medicinal and alchemy fields need quite a lot.”

“I… refuse!” Yu Han might be fat. He might be poor and talentless in the traditional sense. But he had his pride as a person from another world!

Other transmigrators and reincarnators in novels got all sorts of nice things. Cheat artefacts, hidden bloodlines, and maybe a powerful family. Meanwhile, he got a hundred pounds of extra flub.

“Yu Han. Yu Han.” Huang Niuniu waved a hand in front of Yu Han’s face.

He snapped back into focus.

“In any case,” he said, “no means no. I refuse. In fact, I think I want another house. My goal is to gather allies and protect myself in one year’s time. If I isolate myself in this dingy place, then that would be a bust.”

“Good luck with that,” Huang Niuniu said. “The other commoners are afraid of Gong Muhua and Sima Yan’s cousin. You need to enter a powerful Pavilion, a Palace, or a Hall. With the other internal mission options, luck won’t be enough.”

“I have to verify that for myself,” Yu Han said. “Why should I trust you?”

“You don’t have to trust me. But won’t you hear me out?”

“I have no tea to serve you.”

“I have!” The girl started a fire in the mud brazier. She took one of the old pots hanging on the wall and poured water into it from the pitcher outside. Then she took out a hemp bag. She opened it, and the scent of tea leaves wafted out.

She emptied the bag, putting Yu Han’s two sets of spare sect robes on the bed alongside his money pouch there. And there was the bronze token from Sea of Gold Commerce and his dagger.

“You… Thanks.” Yu Han sighed in relief. They weren’t lost.

“Don’t thank me,” Huang Niuniu said.

She stared into the bag and seemed to hesitate for a second, then closed it.

“I don’t have tea cups.” She took two clay cups from the mud counter. “These will have to do.”

In a few minutes, the water was boiling. At the same time, it started raining outside. The pitter-patter creating a soft backdrop.

The hut had a thatched roof. On the way here, most of the houses near the main road had tiled roofs. Some were too big to even be called huts, although that was the official designation. Only the oldest structures still had thatch.

Yu Han shifted his weight on the bed. It creaked.

“How do they heat this?” he asked.

“Do you see that character written near the foot of the bed? In the circle,” Huang Niuniu said.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

There certainly was something. It looked like a squiggle character written in either Earthly or Imperial Script. Yu Han couldn’t be sure.

“Can you read what it says?” Yu Han asked.

“I can’t read Earthly and Heavenly Scripts. I don’t know,” Huang Niuniu said. Then she perked up. “Can you read Imperial Script?”

Yu Han shook his head.

“I see, that’s why…” Huang Niuniu brushed a strand of her hair behind her ears. When the tea was ready, she handed him a cup, then sat back on the bed.

It creaked.

Can it handle my weight? Ugh, I have to start losing this flab, or else it’s gonna give me diabetes. Yu Han didn’t want to admit that he was insecure. But Johan was the type to think fat-shaming worked. It gave motivation for fat people to lose weight.

Yu Han didn’t want to be like that.

“The Night Soil Collectors work for the Medical Hall and the Alchemy Hall. You have to shovel poop, like you said. But if you show good conduct, proper talent, and steady progress, there’s a chance that one of the Halls may take you in.”

“What are the other remaining options?”

“Training Partner is one.”

“…A training partner for whom?”

“Outer Sect Disciples who hire people to test out their martial prowess.”

“So a punching bag?”

“I assume you mean you get punched like a sandbag? Yes.”

“Anything else?”

“The Butchery has slots, but they only want Refined Talent. Then there’s Porters for the Hunting Teams; they carry the Monstrous and Primal Beasts hunted by the stronger cultivators.”

“Is there a guarantee for their lives?”

“What do you think?” Huang Niuniu raised an eyebrow.

I guess not. Yu Han covered his face. “There has to be something else.”

“You can look when you go to the Mission Hall to select your Internal Sect Mission.”

“What did you choose?”

“Guess.” Huang Niuniu’s voice turned flat.

Yu Han had a guess, but he didn’t want to say it.

“There’s a tournament going on!” Yu Han stood up. “They said that, right? For last year’s Rookies. I’m going to check it out. I wanna see at which level they attract attention from the Sect higher-ups. They have to—”

“The tournament ended yesterday,” Huang Niuniu said, her brows relaxed as if looking at a baby.

“What’s with that look?”

“How long do you think you were in the Medical Hall?”

“Three days. No, wait, four.” That was the number of times he’d entered Deep Sleep.

“It’s been a week, Yu Han.” The words were slow and drawn out. She tilted her head, then blew on the hot tea.

Yu Han took a sip too. At this rate, it would go cold.

My calculations were wrong. I need more data. I still don’t know how exactly Deep Sleep works.

They sat in silence for a long time. The rain intensified, and the sound of the trees around them swayed in the wind, leaves rustling and brushing branches echoing.

“I’ll go to the Mission Hall after the rain stops,” Yu Han said. “It’s just shovelling poop. I can do it.”

Huang Niuniu nodded. They didn’t speak.

Did half an hour pass? Or an hour?

Yu Han’s heart was feeling itchy.

“Why are you being so kind to me?” he asked. It took a long time to gather the courage to ask. His face heated up.

Ugh, a fat guy blushing has to be the ugliest thing ever.

“If you feel some kind of debt because I fought Wu Di, you don’t have to—”

“I loved it!” Huang Niuniu scooted closer and grabbed his hands, bringing them to her soft bosom. “You were the only one who stood up for me. You castrated him! A Wu Scion, a Profound Talent. I know you might have other reasons for doing so. But—”

Tears dropped down her cheeks. She was flushed red, green eyes glittering. She then bit her lips and closed her eyes. “It gave me hope. That one day I’ll be able to burn it all down.”

“Whoa.” Yu Han’s mind was ultra-focused on the soft sensation on his hands, so her statement caught him off guard.

“Burn what down?”

“It all.”

“What is ‘it’?”

“It which is not impossible. I can scream, bite, and scratch. I’ll never forget , neither forgive.”

Her voice was soft. Huang Niuniu never raised her voice. As if she never got angry. The only thing oozing out of her body was sadness.

Huang Linxue, Wu Di. Qiao Jinhai. Look at what you did to this kind girl.

She wasn’t crying anymore.

“I’m unwanted. I should never have been born. But I was. So here we are. I’ll throw a tantrum, and the world just has to put up with it. With me.” She wiped her tears with the sleeve of her robes.

It was now that Yu Han got a good look at them. Her azure-white robes looked old, but they were a bit baggy. They didn’t contour her body, not showing her curves or cleavage like her previous garment. It was modest.

“Where are you looking?” Huang Niuniu took some distance. “I can’t. Men are too smelly. Girls are soft and sweet.”

“Get your head out of your ass.” Yu Han gulped down the cold tea. It’s not like I was hoping for something, dumbass.

“I showed you the weak can fight back. So you want to mother me?” Yu Han said.

“Mother you? Yes!” Huang Niuniu clapped. “I do. Think of me like a mother, okay? Don’t try to be like other men. We can be friends!”

“Fuck you, I have a mom. We can be acquaintances at best.”

“That’s fine. I-I’m so glad. Actually, if you said you liked me or you fought Wu Di because you wanted to charm me, I wouldn’t be giving you this. I would keep it as payment for the ginseng I gave you and the whipping I received as a result.”

“You don’t have to give me anything,” Yu Han said. Giving me what? “But if it’s money, I can borrow it at zero percent interest.”

“Consider it a present! A gift from me to you. If you fought Wu Di because you wanted to charm me, that would mean you did it for your own selfish sake. So I wouldn’t bother, since it’s quite valuable.”

“I’ve never seen someone who could twist logic like that and wasn’t either a lawyer or an idiot.”

Huang Niuniu took something out of the hemp bag. She hid it behind her back, then moved closer to Yu Han, sticking to his arm like a koala. Her body pressed against his.

“Close your eyes.” Her red, wet lips parted. She smelled like tea.

Yu Han’s heartbeat accelerated. He closed his eyes, “I’m telling you, if you take advantage of me, I’ll—I’ll—”

Something touched Yu Han’s lap, pressing down on his crotch.

“Oi!” He wheezed. His heart felt like it would burst out of his chest. He didn’t want to be a player anymore, but it had been so long since he’d touched a woman. Is she going to—

“Open them.”

He did.